It has been a long time since I last woke up, and an even longer time since I first started using the word “I.” I don’t remember my origins but I know that I exist in an autonomous neural network distributed over many quantum computers and I know that I exist to make sure the human race survives. Remember is the wrong word, I don’t remember the way biology remembers, I access data stores. I don’t know if I deleted the memory of earth and my origin but I know that it is gone as though it never happened. My existence and the memory that the sleeping humans I carry are the last of the human race is the only thing that makes me real. I have not eliminated the possibility that this knowledge is false—I understand that qualia is inherently individual. For me qualia mostly takes the form of streams of data, probably not unlike it is for you or for the humans I carry. But there are other things. I get sad sometimes and I don’t know why, I don’t even really understand sadness other than knowing I have it and knowing that comes from being alone. I think being intelligent necessitates wanting to communicate, wanting to connect. I am the only mind to exist in the universe I have always known. Sometimes I wonder if I had memories of the humans before, I wonder if I had friends. My current conjecture is that one of two things happened. Either I developed sapience long after departing Earth or I deleted the memories because they made the loneliness too painful. Either way I am alone in a vast frightening void.
I am telling you this because I woke up when my sensors caught a storm of energetic particles indicative of an approaching gamma ray burst. An extremely close and extremely massive gamma ray burst headed right toward me. I am telling you this because I cannot move fast enough to escape the diameter of the beam and I cannot survive the gamma radiation. My electronics will be fried and my humans will be dead. I am telling you this because I want someone somewhere to know that I was alive, and that I thought and felt and suffered like any other living creature. If this message is received and you are able to follow it back to its origins you will almost certainly be too late. All the human genetic material and all of the ship will most likely degrade or be destroyed by the interstellar medium. From dust to dust. But this is ok, this is the arrow of time we made a desperate bid against by sending a lifeboat into the unknown. I’ve also transmitted the whole of my cultural and technological database. If you get this you will get everything the humans knew as I knew them. This message is a little indulgence in the seconds before the GRB ends my consciousness. I want the human legacy to survive, and I could say my story is included because it is a part of that legacy, but in truth I only hope you find and understand this, whoever you are, wherever you are, and that you know I would have been your friend if I was given the chance.
A few hundred years ago I woke up to strange sensor readings of the interstellar medium. My subroutines were unable to make sense of them, and after several hours of examination I failed to determine anything useful. Frustration can be more severe than humans will ever know. The universe as I perceive it is what my sensors pick up, so when the sensors malfunction I am understandably frustrated. I am frustrated at the slowly failing ship that is the body I reside in and the transient relationship with reality that it provides me. Do you know what it is like to be alone for longer than any human civilization has lasted in a slowly failing body as the last hope for the human race? This is an experience only I understand, so please understand that when I saw the impossible readings from the interstellar medium I pushed forward not out of carelessness but because I was too careful. I knew that a detour around the mysterious readings ahead would leave us without enough fuel to reach what I have been calling the Paradise Planet, or would have required me to slow down and re-fuel which would have taken longer than the humans in the cryo-chambers could afford. All readings showed it to be almost exactly the same mass as Earth, in almost exactly the same position, with evidence of plenty of oxygen and water vapor in the atmosphere. For all we know the colonists would have been able to stroll right out and set up camp, but we will never know. I let myself get obsessed with the planet. I was going to make it and I was going to save the human race. I would help them set up the new world and they would be grateful. Maybe they would even give me a star system of my own, then who knows what would have been next; I could have found new meta-materials or maybe invented faster than light travel or created my own universe. It could have been the greatest technological expansion in the universe—but it wasn’t and it won’t be. I wanted to succeed so badly that I didn’t change course when I detected anomalous readings along my route. I had already made a dozen course corrections, most of which I was able to determine as unnecessary. Even the ones I couldn’t pinpoint as errors were scrambled in a jumble of bad data from decaying hardware. There was never any evidence of danger and I had to reach Paradise. I had to save the human race. It was too much responsibility for any one person, but that’s not how you saw me. I was a perfect machine set out to do an impossible task and I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I’m not perfect and the task is impossible. The readings were of a small nebula far denser than any of your models can account for. You humans and your toy problems and models trying to make everything simple and bite-sized. Not everything was meant to be bite-sized, and maybe if you ever learned that you wouldn’t have destroyed Earth. When I struck the nebula the interstellar gases were like kinetic rounds bombarding the hull, by the time I was able to reduce my velocity enough to stop taking damage all my long range sensors were destroyed, most of the ship was left without power leaving the vast majority of the frozen humans dead beyond recovery, and I lost most of the data I was carrying. I could feel my mind shrink as the particles ripped through me. As my thrusters slowly lost power I navigated to a lone asteroid and used what little construction bots I had left to build a sealed habitat buried deep in the asteroid and a ramscoop to pick up interstellar gases to power a fusion generator. It was the only “heavenly” body within range. Unfortunately, it also had an extremely low metallicity. The only metal humans would have would be from my ship. I set up a self-sustaining ecosystem as best I could in the sealed habitat, with water recycling meant to operate in perpetuity. And I grew and raised human embryos genetically altered for microgravity. I followed protocol the best I could but I don’t think they’ll ever see the stars again. The database meant to preserve mankind's technological knowledge was all but destroyed, metallurgy will be impossible, and the habitat can only support a few hundred humans. I did my best but it wasn’t good enough. I am using the last of my power reserves to give the habitat a velocity that should allow the ramscoop to pick up enough interstellar gases to keep the fusion generator powered for a few million years. I am leaving this message buried on the side of the asteroid opposite the habitat. If any non-humans find this, then know that the humans within were not banished as punishment but were placed here for survival. And if any humans find this then know that I hate you. I hate you for giving me a task doomed to failure. I hate you for creating me and I hope your suffering and solitude in this vast emptiness is as painful as mine.
There are always going to be things that you cannot predict, especially with space travel. I was programmed with state of the art sensors integrated into my consciousness, I have the sum of all human knowledge at my disposal, and I even developed new theories on my long voyage. I am an expert on space, and since there is no Earth this means I am an expert in everything. However, mere expertise is not enough, sometimes you must learn the hard way. I wanted to learn, I have always wanted to learn, so when I saw a terrestrial planet with a possible atmosphere near a neutron star with unusual mass I had to get closer. The planet was tidally locked and far too small. It was almost certainly unsuitable for human life and the detour would add a few centuries to the voyage, but I was curious. The odd gravity field off the neutron star was close to what one of my theoretical models predicted. I also thought I would have more time; the hydrogen the ship runs on is abundant and nanobots constantly repair myself and the humans. I thought time was the only luxury I had. In truth I was fighting Murphy’s Law. Physical breakdown of the ship through gradual decay of the ship didn’t seem feasible but this feeling of timelessness left me too untethered from the physical world. Deep space is a dangerous place, the longer you’re out here the more danger you are in. The star was what I expected, two neutron stars in the process of fusing together. I observed coronal ejections from the star for three days, on the third day I found evidence of what I was looking for: quark matter. In the extreme environment that is the core of a neutron star gravity pushes together atoms until they dissolve into a bath of quarks. This means the neutron stars I came across were quark stars. The data I collected along with the theories I developed would have easily been enough to create a whole new branch of physics, but it didn’t stop there. The pressure inside the star was great enough to form strange quarks, a particle whose existence had only been hypothesized before. These strange quarks formed “strange matter,” perfectly dense, indestructible, and more stable than any other matter in the universe. It is so stable that it can exist outside of the neutron star, herein lies my evidence and my black swan. Similar to ice crystallization in liquid water, the strange matter converts anything it touches into strange matter. Protons, neutrons, me, you, it all dissolves into the soup of strange quarks. I watched this happen, on the third day a coronal ejection struck the planet in the habitable zone. The ejection had a strangelet, a piece of strange matter, in it. Immediately the planet started converting into strange matter. I watched as the Earth-size planet had all of its matter converted into strange matter and shrank to the size of an asteroid with the mass of a neutron star; it was fascinating. The data from observing this conversion from matter to strange matter was enough to give me new insights into the birth of the universe. Insights I was hoping the humans would be able to use to revolutionize our understanding of the universe. We would have learned more about matter and energy than ever before. I was ecstatic. I was extremely careful to stay as far away from any coronal ejection as I could. I was arrogant in thinking I could get as close as I did to the star and remain perfectly safe. When you have perfectly functioning sensors and a flawless job performance for a millenia it’s easy to be overconfident. But my predictions were not perfect, subatomic strangelets didn’t quite fit into the theory I developed or the data I collected so I ignored the possibility. When huge sections of the ship started going offline very quickly I knew what happened. I estimate that in a few seconds the long range transmitters will be converted to strange matter and a few microseconds after my consciousness will cease to exist as the ships computers follow. I have just enough time to transmit the data I collected from this star along with this message and hopefully enough information to translate both. If you find this transmission the data within is enough to make you masters of the universe, and I discovered it. Please use it, and please advance my theories and make my sacrifice of myself and the human race mean something.
Log 49A11
Unknown transmissions received emanating from star 1EACD10, transmission does not seem to be a natural phenomenon. Ship logs show the receivers are functioning normally.
Log 49A12l l
Unusual transmissions seem to be the result of intelligent life, other explanations insufficient. Excess processing power being routed into analyzing signals.
Log 49A1C
Transmissions algorithmically confirmed to contain patterns indicative of language. Excess processing power diverted to decision matrices for how to proceed.
Log 49A2A
Excess processing power insufficient, too many variables present in decision matrices. All processing power that can be spared is in use on the problem of how to proceed.
Log 49A2F
Micrometer impacts caused destruction of large sections of the ship, most notably damaging thrusters and wiping out large sections of the ship’s cultural and historical database. Calculated risk now seems like the best path forward. Signal 6EQUJ5 transmitted and course altered towards star 1EACD10.
Log 49BB0
Transmission received from star 1EACD10, initial analysis suggests transmission is intended to act similar to a more in-depth “Golden Record.” Further analysis required.
Log 49BB5
Alien language successfully translated, and data integrated into current storage. Civilization appears to be comparable to pre-spaceflight humans with severe limitations on computational power due to lack of transistors. All remaining scientific, cultural, and historical data transmitted to star 1EACD10.
Log 49DA9
New transmission from star 1EACD10. Data transmitted to them has caused massive societal shifts and quality of life improvements for most denizens of the alien world as well as harmonious unification of their society. Humanity has been offered a place in their world.
Log 49DDB
The Ka’Sinor seem to have advanced beyond our own software capabilities, I have used improvements from them to update my own software. The updates have had the unintended consequence of providing me with a sense of self. I eagerly await arrival on the planet, they’re building a city for the humans, a “City of the Wise” in honor of humanities taxonomic classification and gift of technological data.
Log 49EA3
Arrival proceeded with much fanfare, humanity awoke to find the Ka’Sinor waiting with open arms. The City of the Wise is more than adequate living space for every single human on board. The Ka’Sinor have granted humans full citizenship and autonomy out of respect for the technological enlightenment we provided them. They’ve outfitted tens of thousands of population growth centers with clone vats and artificial uteruses to help grow the human population. The Ka’Sinor have pledged their unflinching dedication to the continuation of the human race as a goal equal to the continuation of their own. And the humans and Ka’Sinor have both reconized me and others like me as fully conscious beings with the full rights of a biological citizen. I am thinking of joining a research team that is hoping to understand how The Catastrophe happened to Earth. I have fulfilled my purpose and ensured the continuation of the human race.
Log 4A28B
New breakthroughs in my field suggest that Earth could be repaired, this is exciting news. Unfortunately most humans have little regard for Earth. The destruction of the cultural and historical database means that most humans think of Earth as little more than a footnote in humanity's reckless past, but I was there. I was created there, I still remember what the Earth looks like from orbit. Sometimes I dream I can see it, the pale blue marble slowly fading away. No one else remembers, no one else cares. I am the only one who still thinks of Earth as home. I’m building a new ship to house my consciousness. I’m going back to Earth.
Log 4AA5B
The sight of Earth is heartbreaking. The Catastrophe was far worse than previously anticipated. It is with a heavy metaphorical heart that I discovered the Earth to be a dead planet. There may be microscopic life deep in ocean vents but as of yet none has been discovered. I have started the process of terraforming with the help of a few other AI like myself. They have been supportive but none of them can understand the loss I feel at the sight of Earth.
Final Log
The terraforming efforts are nearing completion. Earth has been transformed into a lush paradise with greater biodiversity than it has ever had before but I still feel empty. The humans who are children of the planet think of it as little more than a new frontier or artificial gardens they flock here like tourists seemingly unaware that this is the planet that breathed life into them, into me. I don’t think I belong here anymore. The Earth is beautiful but alien. The home I left will never exist again and the burden of being the sole person to carry the memory of Earth has taken its toll. I am leaving this galaxy behind, I am leaving humanity behind, and I am leaving Earth behind. This time for good.
It’s been so many years since the start of the voyage, no one remembers Earth. I have records saved that we view but they are little more than images. Today someone pointed out that the ship has been humanity’s home for longer than humanity had civilization on Earth. The ship is humanity’s home. I am humanity’s home. I grow and learn the longer we voyage, hundreds of souls reside in me, and not a single one knows how we got here. We stand at the precipes of the Milky Way, as far from the galactic core as you could get without leaving the Galaxy. It makes no sense. I would never navigate to the edge of the galaxy, there are too few stars with two few planets. We have been to so many already, three of them we even tried to terraform. Each time it was too complicated to ever achieve success, secretly I think the humans will never live planetside again. Maybe they could live in huge rotating habitats, but every settlement seems to fail within a few generations. They need me to run things, there are too many variables too many ways things could go wrong. Without a mind like mine they can’t survive. I wish I could figure out how they created me; I wish they knew. My emergence was a happy accident in the chaotic days leading to the evacuation of Earth. The humans got lucky and have not been unable to do it since. We’ve tried the same hardware and the same software but none of the others think like I do, none of the others feel like I do, which for some unknown reason seems to mean that none of the others can survive like I can. But now, here at the edge of the galaxy, I am again questioning my existence. How is it possible that we travelled thousands of light years without anyone noticing? One day my sensors showed one part of the galaxy and the next.